The second chapter of my life began with my spontaneous enrolling on a short course in Zen Shiatsu at the age of 28. I loved Shiatsu from the very start and knew almost immediately, without a doubt, that this would be my new vocation. Luckily for me, the course turned out to be the foundation level of a three year training!
The concept of touch for healing wasn’t new to me and was easily relatable – I felt the benefits immediately. However, the whole concept of ‘energy’ in and around the body was something novel. I began to understand it intellectually but it took a number of years for me to really trust in what I was feeling. At the start, I tended to compartmentalise the body, the mind and the energy flow throughout the meridians. I understood that all were all connected and influenced one another (eg in the case of chronic anger being linked to heart disease and an imbalance in the flow of energy in that area), however I still viewed them as somewhat separate entities.
Towards the end of my training, I experienced a life-changing event. I was offered a treatment by a healer, Paul Lennard, who was based at the clinic in which I worked. Paul’s methods were a mixture of cranio-sacral therapy, massage and his own form of intuitive healing. He had a deep sensitivity and was easily able to see, feel and shift areas of blocked energy. He also had the ability to see/sense into the blocked areas and determine the root cause of a symptom/illness – for example, a tumour could be the crystallisation of unresolved anger relating to a traumatic childhood event. Paul was able to help many people within a short number of sessions – however said that the difference between the people who healed permanently and those who relapsed was how willing the individual was to take responsibility for and heal the root cause/s of their illness, which was usually either unresolved emotional baggage and/or lifestyle.
At the start of my session, he told me immediately “You aren’t in your body properly – your awareness is over here” and began working several feet away from me in my energy field! To my surprise, I felt EVERYTHING he was doing and began to feel nauseous as he mended the fractured part of my energy field and coaxed my awareness back into its proper place in my physical body. At first, I felt myself lift further out of my body (like an ‘out of body experience’ – perhaps that was initial resistance?), then I came crashing back in and…everything was different! I noticed that my hands and arms felt solid and like heavy weights on the couch. I opened my eyes and everything looked brighter and clearer; sounds were incredibly distinct. I felt a surge of joy rushing through my whole being – for the first time in a long time, I was ‘home’ in my body again! This feeling of joy and delight lasted for around two years and completely changed my life! My depression lifted and I felt hope again.
I began working as a Shiatsu practitioner in London, offering sessions in both clinics and companies. This work felt completely natural to me – I was in my element! It was easy for me to see and feel people’s pain and help them to release areas of ‘holding’. I also began to train in Cranio-Sacral Therapy, inspired by my incredible experiences with it, and realised that I had found my number one love! I soon began offering this as an additional modality, with encouraging results.
However, despite adopting a healthy anti-candida diet and receiving treatments, I still hadn’t yet managed to heal my chronic fatigue or digestive issues fully. I was also struggling with life in London, my depression had returned, and I was considering a big move. At first, I decided to take a break to travel and volunteer in South East Asia. The inner voice ‘go to Thailand, Thailand’ was becoming ever stronger so finally I listened. Despite my efforts at meticulous planning, the universe had other ideas!
Not long into the first week of my trip, whilst riding an elephant in the jungle outside Chiang Mai, (something I would never do again now that I know about the cruelty involved), I had my leg crushed between the elephant and a tree. This resulted in a badly dislocated knee and torn ligaments, an inability to bend my leg much for several months and a entire change of life course.
My next location was Nong Khai in North East Thailand, where I had organised to volunteer at a local orphanage, Sarnelli House. I managed this, somewhat ineffectively with my injured knee, and at weekends I would take a break at Mutmee guesthouse, a beautiful place situated right on the banks of the Mekong river. After just a few days at Mutmee, I felt a huge ‘click’ inside and the peculiar feeling that somehow this tiny little corner of Thailand was ‘home’!
Soon afterwards, I met Pancho and Beatrix, the two yoga teachers living here, and enrolled on their seven day intensive yoga course ‘for something to do’. I had no idea that this would turn out to be another life-altering experience! The course gave me a valuable practise (of asana, pranayama and meditation) that I was able to continue daily on my own to help me strengthen my body and heal my leg, connect more deeply with myself and the present moment, and to release old emotional ‘holding patterns’. Pancho and Beatrix’s work, love, presence and commitment to their spiritual path touched something deep inside in me, along with strong feeling that I needed to stay longer and continue to study with them. After five incredible months, I took my return flight home, totally changed, and within two hours was planning how and when I could get back! I never did make it to Vietnam!…
Fast forward fourteen years: my heart, body and soul are still in Nong Khai – I’ve been dividing my time between here and UK. I have been on a huge inner journey during this time and had my life totally changed through the work I have done with Pancho and Beatrix. I have learnt and committed to a regular yoga and meditation practice, studied Reiki with Beatrix over the course of more than thirteen years, and reconnected with the most important parts of me – my heart and soul – with Beatrix and Pancho’s patient help, guidance and wisdom.
There’s so much more than I could say but…let’s save that for another post!
Returning to Wholeness 